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Recovering from Romantic Fantasy |
by:
James Sniechowski |
Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from romance. In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in your life, not less. The truth is that most hearts are broken inpainful difference betweenpossibility of real romance andinsistence onfantasy of romance -- withreal thing takingloss.
Recovering from romantic fantasy is based on your willingness to accept who you and your partner are -- without deceit, without drama, without all offalse puffery so many of us put around our images of love, relationship and intimacy. Recovering from romantic fantasy does not mean living without it. It means you will have, perhaps forfirst time in your life,chance to experience reality-based romance that is meaningful, fulfilling, passionate and can actually help createrelationship you can trust and delight in. This kind of romance -- real romance -- can fill your soul withfeeling and knowledge that you are loved for who you are, just as you are, and it can inspire you to love deeply and fully in return.
What can you expect should you decide to recover from swept-away romantic fantasy? Here'sexample.
Judith: One evening, we boughtspecial pie forfriend, to thank him forfavor he'd done for us. It wasstrawberry-banana cream pie withcollar of sculpted whip cream around
the top. Careful not to tip it, Jim set it onfloor ofcar behinddriver's seat and we made our way home.
The day had been particularly difficult for Jim, and he was feeling raw and vulnerable. When we got home, he picked uppie andbox caught onedge ofseat, tumbled over and landed top down. It was that kind of day. He looked to me and timidly said, "Maybe it'll
be okay." He openedbox andpie, of course, was demolished, more like strawberry-banana-cream porridge. Jim slumped.
I was angry thatpie had fallen and shocked when Jim announced it might have survived intact. I knew better. How could he not have? But, more importantly, I knew Jim was
suffering. I understood what he was going through. So, I put my arm around him and told him, "It'smess, is not it? I am so sorry..... Let's get another one later."
It wasmoment of real romance that left both of us feeling whole and human, compassionate and connected, loved and loving. In contrast tograndiosity of romantic fantasy, we were just in our garage withfallen pie, and yet we both experiencedsense of grace and beauty andspecial bond of intimacy.
Can you picture yourself sitting around dreaming upromantic fantasy wheredropped pie leads to heartfelt love? Most people, being honest, would have to say, "No." That's just not how romance is thought of in our culture. Besides, romantic fantasy always ends up being punitive. It is contemptuous of "fallen pies." It's dismissive of human imperfection, derisive of anything that doesn't reachlofty heights of romantic bliss.
Real romance comes from beyond what you already know. It's spontaneous, unrehearsed and open-hearted. It's about what's happening inmoment, aboutattention and affection between two people.
When you're open toheightened awareness of real romance,vivid, even ecstatic experience can spring from any unexpected moment. If you try to hold onto it, you cancel your invitation for life to catch you off guard and take you intodeepest places of your heart and soul.
(Excerpted from The New Intimacy, Health Communications Inc.)
About The Author:
Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski sharesecret of life-long romance. Be sure to get your copy of their Free one hour teleseminar "Keeping Romance Alive," and find out how. Just go to: http://www.judithandjim.com
This article is free for republishing
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