I outline seven kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break Free FromAffair." One affair, "I Can't Say NO!" is characterized by addictive tendencies. Infidelity (as well as pornography, strip clubs, online chatting, compulsive masturbation, etc.) may bepart ofsexual addiction.

Oftenspouse or partner ofsexually addicted person intuitively knows ofaddiction andstruggle his/her partner has withbehavior.

The partner often "feels for" his/her partner and is ingreat quandary about staying inmarriage or leavingmarriage.

If you areperson facing this dilemma or know of someone who is, here are some pointed questions to help move more quickly throughdecision making process:

one. Do you really want to savemarriage or are you just plain worn out? Does it seem that it would be much easier to just put up and toleratecrazy kind of behavior you bump into with him? Are you emotionally fried and think of confronting him with your feelings and thoughts of endingmarriage as jumping into more emotional turmoil?

two. Do you really want to savemarriage or do you think you should hang in there for religious, moral or other “should” reasons? Most spouses who partner with those who can’t say no are very conscientious people. Is that you? Do you want to doright thing? Are you willing to continue feelinghumiliation and facingdangers because you believe you should stay inmarriage? Do convictions rather than practical and personal concerns dictate your decisions?

three. Do you really want to savemarriage or do you believe you should stay to protectchildren? Do you think you areonly spouse who can care forchildren? (You may be.) Or maybe your spouse cares deeply forchildren and isgood parent. (That may be also.) Do you think that endingmarriage would make life immeasurably worse for your children? Do you fear for their welfare if you confront his behavior?

four. Do you really want to savemarriage or do you see absolutely no way out and are resigned to this marriage? You may experiencepowerful pervasive feeling of being stuck. You may believe that you have tried everything and that it is inbest interest of everyone to stay where you are. Couple your weariness with your sense of being stuck and you may tolerategreat deal of disappointment and pain forsake ofmarriage.

five. Do you really want to savemarriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of startingnew relationship, incapable of makingtransition tonew life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual forspouse of someone who can’t say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.

six. Do you really want to savemarriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? It’s there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.

seven. Do you really want to savemarriage or do you live infear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might faceemotional game playing atnew level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?

eight. Do you really want to savemarriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This islittle different thanfear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his orcare of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?

Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experiencenew found freedom to act and move in new ways.